Fussy Eating, it seems, is becoming a bit of an epidemic; if not world wide, then at least in the leafy, middle-class suburbs and filtering through to the outer suburbs.

Just about anywhere you find a bunch of mothers gathering and gossiping, really, both on and offline, in fact.

We know you’ve got better things to worry about than what your kid puts in its mouth, unless of course, it is your good bottle of vodka. We know you’ve not thought much about their eating habits. They are, after all, mostly happy, energetic, healthy, within a “suitable” weight range and annoying. Nothing to worry about, right?

Except that you’re feeling ostracised. Your kid’s ok eating habits are causing you to be an outcast amongst your peers. You’re just not fitting in.

Don’t stress. There is hope for you yet, even if your child is a fabulous eater (or, at least, you think he is, because you haven’t actually sat down and kept a diary …), and regardless of their age.

Basically, there are three types of “Fussy eater”:

1. The true fussy eater;
2. The child with an undiagnosed allergy, intolerance or similar;
3. The child with the over-scrutinising, anxious mother who hovers and needs something to worry about.

Children in the first category are so rare as to almost be considered an urban myth. Still, if you like drama, take them to your GP. NOt that they don’t exist, just that its a rare find.

Kids in the second category are no longer “fussy eaters” once they are diagnosed. Of course, if you’d prefer to complain about your kid being fussy with his food, don’t go down the diagnosis path. Simple.

Those in the third category are not “tempted” by ice-cube sushi, featuring smoked salmon and wasabi (fresh, not paste) or asparagus and goats cheese filo pastry puffs. If they are swayed by their Vegemite sandwich taking on the shape of an elephant, then they are technically excluded from points one and two.

(This also demonstrates more a child’s ability to successfully manipulate a situation to their own desires than a dislike of certain foods. But that’s another article altogether.)

Still, you’re feeling left out and just want to fit in. You CAN … in three easy steps.

Step 1. The Assessment 

Start scrutinising every morsel of food that works it’s way into your child’s mouth. Keep a diary or some other record. You will quickly discover that their diet is not as diverse, inclusive or accommodating as you first thought. Quite possibly because you have a somewhat – normal - limited(ish) range on your evening meal menu and, by default, some foods just won’t make it to the table.

Therefore, a bunch of foods your child “doesn’t eat” will make the list. Start conversations that go into great deal about all the foods your child doesn’t eat, which is much easier than having to add a great deal more items to your shopping list, and thinking up and playing with new recipe ideas.

Step 2. Everyone has a food

If you feel you need something more substantial in your discussions, point 1 will help you to determine the foods your child genuinely doesn’t like. We all have something, some food or type of food we prefer not to consume. It may even be as simple as sweet versus savoury foods; most people prefer one over the other. And your child is a person, even if the way they eat appears to disagree with that fact.

Once you’ve determined the food/food types they don’t like much, add more of it to the meals you prepare for them. This will give them plenty of opportunity to start up the “I don’t like that” whine, and give you an honest opportunity to say “oh, my kids are such fussy eaters!”

Step 3. Acquired Tastes

If that fails, you can always look at more diverse foods. Some foods, like oysters and truffles (the found-under-trees-and-retrieved-by-trained-pigs kind, not the chocolate kind) have an acquired taste and are not naturally “liked” by most people the first time they try it. You have to give it a go.

These are brilliant foods to introduce to kids, particularly if you, like oyster-haters, refer to them as being somewhat akin to phlegm will ensure they are completely put off and flat our refuse to even try it.

In subsequent conversations with your Other Mother peers, you can join in on the “they just won’t give anything a try” complaint.

The downside of this option is that they may very well acquite the taste over time and deprive you of an opportunity to join in discussions with your friends.

Another trait of children to note, and that can be used to your advantage, is their innate reaction to all things new, and the immediate “I’m not eating that” response before they’ve even really seen what it is.

These strategies to get your own fussy eater can be applied to children of all ages. Once you have them established, you’ll fit right into any and all parenting social group conversation like a politician into a brothel.