Our children have to eat while at school, so making school lunches is a job that has to be done.

Lunches come in all forms and sizes. Recipes are printed in every manner of magazine at the beginning of the school year. These recipes make your mouth water, are perfectly balanced nutritionally and actually look good enough to eat.

By following these simple instructions, you too can make wonderful lunchbox treats for your children.

Step 1: Collect a wide range of tips and lunchbox ideas filled with tempting treats. Throw these away. They will disturb your creative spirit.

Step 2: Collect a box to store lunch in. This MUST be the most expensive container posssible, and plastered with as many images of the new craze for children. If this is not possible, and old ice cream container actually works just as well.

Step 3: Go to freezer and collect emergency loaf of bread you keep in there for those times when you run out of bread. (You may need to put a jumper on first, as you might have to dig to find it).

Step 4: Get margarine/butter and Vegemite from fridge. Spread both liberally on bread. For fussy eaters, cut sandwiches in half. Warning: Don’t be tempted to do anything fancy, it won’t make your child feel special – just different. Always make two sandwiches. They will inevitably only eat a mouthful of one half and leave the rest, but then the lunches are made for tomorrow.

Step 5: Wrap sandwiches. Glad wrap is good. So is aluminium foil, but old bread wrappers also show you care enough to send the very best.

Step 6: Place in box with an apple or orange (variety is the spice of life, so alternate days). For fussy eaters, cut fruit in half.

Step 7: Add a treat. This can be a packet of chips (you don’t want your child to feel like s/he is missing out) a snack bar or some biscuits. Do not be tempted to bake something yourself. Nobody but your child will see it, and they already know you love them enough to cook for them – you do it every night (yes, heating up soup or baked beans is cooking, no matter what the M-I-L says).

Step 8: Put lunch in obvious place for child to see and collect on their way out the door, such as on top of their school bag or next to their school shoes.

Step 9: Kiss your child as they walk out the door, and wish them a good day.

Step 10: Walk back into kitchen feeling pleased you have sent your child off to school with a packed lunch.

Step 11: Pick yourself up off the floor and dust yourself off after tripping over lunchboxes!

Step 12: Phone school and order lunch at the canteen.

Step 13: Put lunchbox in fridge to be forgotten again tomorrow.