There’s a “thing” going around facebook, a blog post or something, rambling about how “Motherhood is the hardest job in the world” … to be honest, I think its the kind of myth that will keep perpetuating amongst various parenting groups and will be renewed, or prolonged with each new generation of mothers.
Personally, I don’t believe motherhood is a job. Let me explain …
My first “real” job was with a debt collection agency. I endured day in and day out of listening to people’s hardships and being verbally abused over the phone. My boss was an arse; rude, condescending and nasty. The “human resources manager” had not a humane bone in her body, our breaks were the length of time it took for the kettle to boil, and friendships waned as we were pit against each other in competitions to see who could bring in the most money each week. Fridays after work were spent catching up on any work we hadn’t completed during the week.
At the time I was seeing (and living with) someone who worked in a factory. Lots of standing on feet, hard manual labour, breathing in lordy knows what fumes and particles as he worked. Smoko breaks were relaxed, so long as the orders got done by the time the shift ended, and Friday afternoons was knock off early, for drinks with the boss who shouted first round. Lots of catching up with workmates for bbqs on the weekend.
Regularly, he’d come home and comment how much “harder” his job was than mine. Not a debate I got into after the first two or three arguments, because, really, you couldn’t compare the jobs. Sure, his was physically more demanding and potentially dangerous, but mentally and emotionally, he was pretty ok. I was stressed to the max, not sleeping and sitting on my bum on the phone all day. I refused to enter the discussion, because I agreed with him on one level – his job was “harder” but on another it wasn’t. It was just too hard to compare the two.
(And probably part of the reason we broke up; that I wouldn’t argue with him, or worse, not agree with him!)
For a long time, I’ve been irked about couples arguing over who has the harder job, the more demanding, the more stressful.
Thus, I was most incensed when I was alerted to one of the latest “post this in your Facebook status” thingies doing the rounds …
I am a cook, a cleaner, a parent, a nanny, a nurse, a handy man, a maid, security, and a comforter x <number of kids>. I don’t get holiday, sick pay, or a day off, I work through the day and some of the night, I am under paid and over worked, now tell me that your job is harder than mine. Repost this if you’re a parent that works hard and is good at what they do : )
Firstly, what angers me is the whole “oooh, what I do is harder/better/more worthwhile/whatever than you”. Which I personally find extremely egotistical, condescending and completely dismisses everything about the other party. But that’s my stuff to deal with.
I’m not debating that some aspects of being a mother aren’t hard. They are extremely demanding at times, extraordinarily stress inducing and the levels of responsibility are through the roof.
So, too, are those of a brain surgeon. The levels of stress a CEO must endure when faced with the prospect of affecting the livelihood and financial status of thousands of families must be pretty high, too. And the mundanity of stacking shelves in a deserted supermarket in the middle of the night when your iPod is broken is pretty much on a par with the mundanity of motherhood at times, also.
Some could very well argue that wiping Vegemite off a toddler’s face or scraping weetbix off a chair is probably not quite up there with facilitating a multi-billion dollar merger or performing a triple bypass surgery.
I guess, though, at the end of the day/shift, they go home and switch off and it’s not their problem until they clock on again.
Of course, responsibility and accountability varies from job to job, too. Some have high levels, where they are literally responsible for the lives of another human being (as are mothers) and others just need to make sure the right bill is paid at the right time (as do some mothers), or that the salt and vinegar chips are placed neatly on the shelves and not mixed in with the chicken flavoured ones (some mothers are accountable for things like making sure the mashed potato doesn’t touch the peas).
What no job does is provide the complete and total 24-7 responsibility that parenting does. When your kid breaks his arm in someone else’s care, let’s say at school, you are the first person they call. They don’t say “oh, pass that on the Janet in the office, she’ll deal with it”. Well, they do pass it on to Janet in the office, who rings you. And your response isn’t “Oh, that’s not my job. Bob in accounting is supposed to do that, ring him.”
Usually it’s “oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I’ll meet you at the hospital” and running around like an idiot and forgetting things.
But is that level of responsibility as high as that of a neurosurgeon? I don’t know … I’m asking.
If you want to be ‘rewarded’ for dealing with someone screaming at you and throwing a tantrum for not getting them a drink when they asked, throwing up on your shoes and fighting with others under the same roof, go get yourself a job at a pub on King Street. They not only give you money, but I’m sure some of your super – and therefore your future income – is covered as well.
Besides, you can go get yourself a nice new pair of shoes or handbag with that sort of reward. A smile from your kid won’t pay your electricity bill, no matter how much it makes you day worthwhile. If you get off on smiles, work as a children’s photographer.
What I’m getting at is that it’s an attempt to compare apples with passionfruit, and I, for one, wouldn’t want to deal with what others do in their job. Although I do like financial reward.
A ”job” by its nature and understanding by the masses is:
1. a piece of work, esp. a specific task done as part of the routine of one’s occupation or for an agreed price: She gave him the job of mowing the lawn.2. a post of employment; full-time or part-time position: She was seeking a job as an editor*
Of course, we do also understand it to be a role or position of responsibility. However, when the word “job” is used in a sentence, our mind usually goes to where someone goes, does the specific tasks required of them, has multiple tea breaks, goes home at the end of the day and gets paid for doing all of that.
Not something we immediately associate with mothering.
People who volunteer their services, whether for charity, for schools or for services don’t refer to themselves as “having a job”. Mostly, because they are not being paid.
Something we can relate to as a mum.
Personally, I abhor the use of the term “job” in relation to mothering.
Aside from the “not being paid” thing, it completely overlooks the whole 24-seven-ness of the role and the lack of ability to not be responsible, even when the kids are in the care of others.
A mother is something you ‘are’, not something you ‘do’ and putting the term “job” to it significantly undermines that aspect of your being.
Of course, I can’t go past the very fact that making statements like “it’s the hardest job in the world” also undermines those in really hard jobs – whether physically, emotionally or mentally – and creates yet another unnecessary division between those mums who work in paid employment and those who don’t. Not forgetting, also, those who study and those who run their own businesses, or volunteer their time for various bits and pieces.
Motherhood can be hard, and it can be fun. It can contain the most boring moments of your life, and the most stress you’ve ever experienced.
But it’s not a job, and can’t be compared to one, by virtue of what it is.
Quite frankly, as hard as people may argue motherhood to be, I still prefer being woken 3 times a night, going to meetings with snot in my cleavage and dealing with the occasional 2a.m. being vomited on than that first job I ever had. And they paid me!
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