Recently I spotted a tweet from @martin_hilton that really struck a chord:
“#youmightbeanautismparentif When other parents take their sons to football you take yours to therapy”
I’d just come home from a dinner with school parents where there had been talk about the forthcoming terms extra curricular sports. Many of the girls were being enrolled in Netta and their parents were extolling the virutes of team sports.
I was listening thinking it might be something my girls could do this term, an activity that would build ties with their classmates. Then I realised Netta would clash with my 8 year olds social skills group. We’ve spent years looking for a social skills group that fit her needs and having finally found one I’m not ready to give it up. Well never mind I thought we could do AusKick or something instead, but those are on Saturday mornings which would clash with the 6year olds speech therapy or Sunday mornings which is our sacred family day.
See aside from school, which is exhausting in and of itself for kids with autism, there is speech therapy, occupational therapy, social skills group, appointments with paediatricians, psychologists and the swimming lessons I insist on. Some children on the autism spectrum – toddlers even – are exposed to 40 hours a week of therapy, which is a full adult working week.
I can’t do that to my girls, we play, we spend time chasing butterflies, watching their favourite TV show for the millionth time and in between times we go to school and attend therapy.
But the tweet resonated with me. I had fought to keep both girls out of school therapies to one thing a term. Each term we would discuss and debate what therapy was going to help the most and decide on just one. Even with that they were barely coping with their one typical kid extra curricular activity, swimming.
Previous attempts at other extra curricular activities (such as music and scouts) had resulted in tears and tantrums from exhausted children stretched to their limits. Heck even their weekly swimming lessons are a battle towards the end of term and we only persist because they come out of the water happier than when they went in. That is my touchstone of a successful activity, disregard the fights to get there, transitions are always hard, but are we happy at the end, because that makes the battle to leave worthwhile.
After reading the tweet I started wondering who do I want them to do Netta for? Would my girls even enjoy a team sport, more socialising after an exhaustive day of socialising? Is it me, wanting to be the normal family, fit in with other parents at school so I’m not left sitting on the sidelines listening and feeling so desperately alone when the talk about after school activities, playdates, team sports, dancing, music recitals starts up.
Marita blogs at ‘Stuff With Thing’ about life, the universe and Autism.
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