*sigh*
The good ol’ “smack your kids if they’re naughty” debate is at it again, with a recent article on news.com.au (and various, spread over your kitchen table papers from across the country, too): Back the smack: Church says hitting kids ok ..
Amid fears parents can be sent to the naughty corner – or court – if the use “corporal punishment” on their kids, a major church is opposing this idea that corporal punishment is outlawed.
Now, I really dont’ want to get into the “smacking is ok / no it’s not, ever” and “I was smacked as a kid and I’m fine / I was smacked as a kid and I’m not ok” debate. This has been done. It’s been overdone and I don’t believe the personal accounts and vehemently stating your opinion as being absolutely right is helpful for anyone. I could give you my opinion, experiences etc, but that’s just adding to the nonsensical element of it.
And smothering, what I believe, is important.
As happenes Every. Single. Time this debate rages, it is spoken of pretty much as a dichotomy. You smack or you are a lazy arse who sits back and does nothing when your kids misbehave.
You are “bashing” or “abusing” your kids, or you are letting them get away with murder.
There is Smacking or there is Not Smacking.
That’s it. They’re you’re options.
Really?
Because, whilst there are grey areas in terms of personal definitions of smacking/corporal punishment, there are also a HEAP of things you can do in between the “doing nothing” (which I don’t believe is happening, at all, it’s just the way its being reported and the responses in Your Say and Op Ed etc pages) and “smacking”.
Sure, most of us are clever enough to know what these are. There are a heap of people, also, who don’t. Whether its their access to resources and information, support they have around them, their mental state whatever.
They are rarely, if ever, spoken of in the Smack Or Not debates. The Smack Or Not is rarely, if ever, mentioned when reports or research around other parenting of children’s behaviour is mentioned.
The Smack Or Not debate rarely, if ever, alludes to the fact that there are probably a bazillion other forms of discipline/behaviour management/some other hippy or made up or buzzword word for getting your kids to behave in the way you want them to. I’m sure this isn’t the intent, but it can – and does – leave this feeling. So the parents who do utilise smacking, who have limited knowledge about other options, aren’t actually given any useful information. They either shrug their shoulders and go “well, I’ll just keep going with what I know” or feel absolutely terrible and guilty and are left with little or nothing up their sleeves.
Providing parents with access to suitable information and resources is way more helpful than making it seem as though the ONLY way to deal with your kids is smack them. Or, at least in these articles, suggest that there are other methods. Hey, perhaps even suggesting some of the methods themselves might even be a good idea!
Just saying.
It’s not all or nothing when it comes to kids behaviour. All kids react to different behaviour management methods differently (only this is also never, ever, ever mentioned!), and there is so much more in there that can be utilised, but is not mentioned.
Stop the stupid debate, and do something about actually letting people know what they can do, not what they can’t. No one will “win” (which is also a stupid concept for a later date) based on “but this was my experience, therfore it applies to EVERYONE”.
Isn’t this one of the first rules of dealing with toddlers and preschoolers … tell them what you want them to do, not what you don’t????
Why don’t we do the same with parents? Or will that only serve to give them some skills and sell less papers?
(Yes, me included!)
Of course, the other thing is, do we not have other, bigger stuff to worry about, than preying on vulnerable parents whom, for the most part are trying to do the right thing and aren’t really a menace to their children or socieity?
About Mad Cow
Beautifully said!