Pelvic Flaw
The human body is an amazing piece of machinery; a complex structure of organs and systems, designed not just to keep the individual organism alive, but ensures the survival or an entire whole species.
Its design has all its parts working concurrently to ensure oxygen and nutrients are transported quickly and efficiently to where they are needed, and wastes removed from where they are not. The structure of the skeletal system protects the most vital of organs, and the skin prevents infections from entering the body.
All in all, it’s pretty good. Despite, this, however, it has a number of fundamental flaws.
The knee and shoulder joints, to name a few of the body’s misgivings, are far too complexly designed, are easily dislocated and damaged, and are a bugger to fix when necessary. Likewise, the lateral aspect of the ankle is constructed with a weak ligament unable to prevent the “rolling” of the joint, resulting often in a twisted ankle or sprain. Or just hurting quite a lot.
The biggest, and most inconvenient, design error, however, is the pelvic floor, the “hammock” of muscles that string from pelvic bone to pelvic bone which buttress the organs of the pelvic cavity.
And control the passage of substances from the urethra and anus. That is, they stop you wetting your pants.
Unlike the cardio-vascular and respiratory muscles, or even those of the digestive system, the pelvic floor does not involuntarily contract of its own accord. In fact, save for keeping a small human incubated for a specified period of time, it has no “life saving” abilities, and is, therefore, not considered “vital”.
Herein lies the issue. These muscles are required to support the increasing weight of a human child. In some cases, more than one human child. Without voluntary contraction to assure it is in good working order at all times. Really, it’s not like a woman with child has anything better to think about than contracting her pelvic floor muscles every 20 seconds or so.
Supporting a growing foetus in this manner is tantamount to supporting King Kong utilising one of Barbie’s beach hammocks for a long nap and expecting it to be in good nick when he’s finished with it. Basically, it’s not; its stretched out of shape and unable to do its job properly. Like holding your wee in when you most need it to.
Pondering the function and design of the pelvic floor, it was concluded that it is designed in this manner for a reason. It is to prevent mothers from contracting illnesses, particularly those illnesses that result in coughing and/or sneezing, so that they may be available to care for their children at all times.
It has been observed that the more persistent or forceful the coughing or sneezing, the less effective the pelvic floor is, thus ensuring that the mother recovers quickly, and does not get sick again.
The pelvic floor is also quite useless in the event of running or jumping. This is to prevent mothers from attempting to leave their offspring in search of their own time alone, enjoyment and putting themselves first, for example partaking in exercise regimes, or attempting to join in children’s play and enjoying themselves. It is common knowledge that mothers are prohibited from having any fun.
It even goes to the extent of preventing mothers from drinking too much during the day, as they have no time to go to the toilet whilst caring for small children.
In later years, this pelvic flaw may actually contribute to the extended lifespan of the mother. In cases where she is required to sit for extensive hours in the cold watching a game of junior football, for example, her inability to control her pelvic floor means she must leave the safety of her warm car to use the public toilets, preventing her from dying of boredom.
This technique is also used in other life-threatening situations, such as ballet recitals, school concerts, office Christmas parties and visits with the in-laws.
Although, initially, it may appear as though this design defect is relatively excessively inconvenient, it clearly contributes to the survival of the species. Mother’s are available for their children at all times, ensuring their safety and survival during their younger years. As the children grow older and able to fend for themselves, the pelvic floor prevents early demise of the mother, thus enabling her to be present to care for the offspring of her offspring. And so the cycle continues.
Just don’t let it stop you having a good laugh with your girlfriends!
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